I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Well I just put wine in my tea
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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