12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Randomize
