This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Randomize
