I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
