I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
