I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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