you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
