Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
