The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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