Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Can I color on your dick again?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
