I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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