why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
