you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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