We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
