He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
