if i can run in heels then i can drive
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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