i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
