So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
