The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
