I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
