Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
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