ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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