i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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