i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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