just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
