the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
