Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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