I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
