if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
