I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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