Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I'm passing your future prison.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
