We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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