My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Randomize
