I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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