so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
