Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
