He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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