am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
