just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
