i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
