Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
