The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
