Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Randomize
