Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
