i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
