sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
