The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
