This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
