That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And Iβve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. Heβs fucked!
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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