Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
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