i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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