What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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