could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
